“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” James 4:1

The verse today gets to the root of why my wife and I got in arguments: the desires that battle within me. Desires I do wish hadn’t been there. Desires that are ugly and selfish and petty. Desires that motivated me to seek my own way. Desires that battled within me, then did spill over into my actions.

There is a battle raging within each of us. It is a battle between flesh and Spirit, between reaching out and focusing inward, between living for Christ and living for ourselves. How can we find victory in these battles without claiming more casualties? I have found there are several ways:  Praying: James 4:2 goes on to say, “You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.” James is telling us how to avoid fights. Take our unmet needs, desires, expectations and complaints to God. We don’t need to expect our husbands, children, neighbors, co-workers or friends to fulfill our every need.  Walking in truth: It’s easy to believe the lies of the enemy or our flesh: If you were only married to someone else, you’d have a better life. If he would clean up after himself, you wouldn’t have so much work to do. No one around here appreciates you. The lies escalate the battles. We spiral quickly into feelings of self-pity and anger. Instead we can learn to recognize those lies and refocus on Truth—God’s Truth. We can go to His Word and read what He has to say about the people we love and the position we are in. Psalm 26:2-3 says, “Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind, for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.”  Taking each thought captive: 2 Corinthians 10:5b tells us that we are to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” There are two action verbs in this statement: take and make. These are strong words that indicate effort. It’s not something we can sit back and hope will happen. It’s something we have to be intentional and insistent about. When our thoughts start wandering down those dangerous “if only” paths, we can instead find a fork in the road and change direction, remembering who Christ is and how He lived His life on earth—as a loving, humble servant.  Being silent: I have often regretted my speech. In the heat of battles, I’ve found it is almost always better to walk away and pray. If I feel I have been wronged then I need to ask my Father to defend me. If I feel that battle still waging inside me then I know it’s time to ask Him to quiet my heart. Being silent is hard work! But I know that my silence is not as likely as my angry words to hurt the people I care about. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”  When the battles rage within us, we can change the results and stop the arguments that ensue. It’s up to us to pause and choose a different reaction. I hope these things will help us today as we rise to the challenge!

Dear Lord, please help me to remember to pray, to walk in truth, to take each thought captive and to be silent. Help me honor You when the battles rage inside me. I don’t want to fight with the people I love and I need You to help me with that. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.